Reflections

(Shake #8: Take nothing for granted people, seriously)
 I am learning a very tough lesson in my recovery & that may not be the only lesson I'm suppose to be learning, but I'm certainly learning to be grateful for what I have & take nothing for granted.  I am getting a new outlook on what it is to be blessed.  I'm typically a "glass half full" kinda gal, but in my recent past, I've been in more of a "woe is me" mindset.  I've tried hard to shake that feeling & conquer those emotions, but when life as you knew it just stops, it will take a toll on your psyche.  Everyday is a new day, a new way for me to feel ... some days are good & some days are not so good.  Luckily, it's about tit-for-tat; no more bad days than good days.  On days when it's bad, I find myself wallowing in self pity ... looking around realizing that I am at the mercy of other people's kindness & generosity.  Without these selfless people, I would be in worse shape than I am - hence the grateful factor.  My mom has been my non-stop caregiver.  She is 69 years old & keeping up with me & my wild bunch is no easy task for someone in their 20's & 30's, let alone someone knocking on the door of 70.  She has prepared every meal (some of which she didn't have to make from scratch because great friends brought meals by), taken care of my boys, & spoiled Mr. Chyno (& she is NOT a dog person).  She has slept on our couch because we unfortunately do not have a spare bedroom, but not once has she complained.  She is currently battling a possible sinus infection from her allergies, but she keeps truckin' on.  I have no dirty clothes in my house, no dirty linens & my house stays straight.  She is a Godsend & wouldn't know what to do without her.  My husband has worked many long hours & with that, his parents have brought our boys home & on some instances, come & picked them up because my husband had to get to a job site before school starts.  I have always said that I want nothing more than to move to the beach & live the life of a beach bum family - where surfing & fishing & seashell collecting is a part of our regular routine -  but what in the world would I do if something like what we're dealing with were to happen with no family around?  Hmmm, come to think of it, my family doesn't live here but my Mom has come up to be with me ... so I guess she would do that no matter where I lived, huh?  Okay, so that dream can stay alive.  Phew.  Now back to being grateful & taking nothing for granted... walking is something mindless & something that I didn't really think of as a blessing until 2+ weeks ago.  Walking is the difference between an active life & a sedentary life (one that I'm not use to).  To have to quickly jump from being busy all day, everyday; running from one place to another all the time & continuously juggling the schedule of 2 young boys to doing absolutely nothing but elevating a bum foot is a vast & sudden change that will shake anyone (I would think).  However, I am now understanding why people say "you can choose to be happy or choose to be unhappy, but you can't be both" - as for me, I'm choosing to be happy (this is coming from me on a good day, check back on a bad day - haha) ... life has dealt us a hand that isn't easy to play, but it's the hand we're dealt & it's up to us (me & my mind) to make the most of it.  Today, I'm embracing my mandatory elevation/bed-rest & enjoying the ACC Tournament - without having had this injury & surgery, this is not something I'd be able to do.  I'm also able to spend some quality time with my mom ... something else I wouldn't get to do.  I am not getting much sleep or rest due to the pain & medication but because of that, I'm awake to get the morning routines ready for my boys (Wild Kratts @ 6:30 & Timmy Time @ 7) all the while snuggling with them while they eat their bananas & drink milk/juice (something I usually can't do because I'm too busy getting ready & straightening the house before work).  I've also had plenty of time to reflect on my life & I think there will be some changes coming my way.  Some will be immediate & some will be gradual - but one thing is for certain, life is too short to be unhappy & I want to make sure I take nothing (& I mean nothing) for granted. We live one life & one life only ... and if we aren't happy with the results of life's decisions, it's up to us to make different decisions to change that result.  I can't help what happened to me, but I can help the way I deal with it.  Today, is a good day; yesterday, a tough day ... but everyday, is a blessing. Smile folks ... it makes things better. (Sidenote: Today will be a much better day if the Pack brings us a WIN, just sayin')

Shake my head...

Our life this past week has been one challenge after another.  It starts with my foot surgery, that oddly enough was the least challenging of all.  In fact, it was so easy.  Everything went great... well; with the exception of the fact that when doc opened up the foot, the injury was more severe than the x-rays indicated.  Apparently the bones were shattered & he had to completely rebuild my right foot with screws, donor bone tissue & such.  The recovery was going great while the foot was totally numb, but when that bad boy woke up ... very different experience!  I couldn't get the pain management under control - none of the prescribed meds were taking the edge off.  Finally started to get some relief & learned very quickly to stay ahead of the pain (even if it meant sleeping the days away - luckily my boys weren't around to witness me sleep constantly - good call Mimi C). Well, 2 days post surgery, I'm feeling pretty good & decide to get up (against doc's orders) & try to straighten my house (this is what happens when I'm left alone, stubbornness rears its head) - I decide I'm cool to dust the living room & as I'm getting to the last table, I bump bum foot on the table. Yowzers. I quickly decided I would follow orders, back to bed I went.  Then the boys get back 3 days after surgery & it's full speed ahead. They do not understand why I'm laid up with my foot on pillows - they keep wanting me ... wanting me to do this, see that, fix this, read that ... non-stop action-filled needs. Thank goodness Mimi C was sticking around for the next 4 days! First morning post surgery that we're a family of 4 again (plus mi madre) & trying to get the boys back in routine, I'm being told that my oldest son has just thrown up. ?????? What in the world? You have got to be kidding me? After figuring out what lead to the spewing, I find out his Daddy had tried to pull him in for a little snuggle & thinks he squeezed him too hard? Okay, that sounds ... possible? The child doesn't appear to feel bad, he's running around the house as usual - he did say his tummy hurts, but he's just hungry - lets feed him! He eats a banana & claims he's full. I ask again if he feels okay & he said "yeah mom, I'm good - just needed that nana". Sweet, so off to WEE school he goes.  Yet around 10:30, home from WEE school he comes.  He's thrown up again.  Mom fail. (Sometimes it's so hard to figure out when young bucks are sick) Well, what I didn't tell you is that the day after my surgery, my folks call to let me know my youngest son has been acting as though he didn't feel well & later projectile vomited at the dinner table that evening. We ruled out a few scares & thought it might have been he was just homesick (hence the lethargic nature) and the vomit was because he was full & that last bit of applesauce was just a bit too much.  Apparently, not so much ... it was invasion of the stomach bug!!! That creepy, highly contagious, wouldn't wish it on my enemies (well maybe a few) stomach virus. My poor small guy had his 1st stomach bug & infected all of us.  Yes, ALL!  1st small guy, then my sister (who was staying at my folks house while the boys were there), then my oldest lil guy, then my Dad, then my Mom (who was with us), then me, then my Mom-in-law, then my husband, then last & least vicious, my Dad-in-law.  It tried to take us all out in the course of 6 days. We were a family full of funk & misery and a house full of germs & chaos! A wounded warrior mom trying to comfort sicklings & those of the like. By day 7, post surgery -  Mom left to go back home to see Dad & get the laundry & what not caught up and planned to return late Sunday evening. By day 9, post surgery, we were practically back to normal.  So much so that my husband took the boys & left me to "stay off my foot & rest from the chaos" - bad bad idea! About 10 minutes after their departure, I had to get up to let the dog out. 10 minutes after that, I'm crutching my crippled & angry hiney down the 8 brick front steps to win the battle between me & Chyno (said dog) - that fool stood in the driveway, staring at me while I did everything in my power to get him to come back inside.  He is just as stubborn as the rest of us!  Once I hobbled over to him, I was expecting him to play "cat & mouse" but I guess he sensed the fury & jolted inside with me speed crutching behind him.  Now granted, it was a gorgeous day & I wouldn't have wanted to go in either but kids could be walking the street, other folks with dogs walking, anything that could cause him to want to greet folks or scare the bejesus out of them & let's face it "ain't nobody got time for that".  So, me out of breath, I sit on the couch & take a few cleansing breaths & look around & suddenly got the overwhelming urge to organize the boys toys in the living room (to prepare for the cleaning lady to come) - along with the living room came the desire to organize the kitchen & the babies rooms. Friends, I am stubborn & a bit bull-headed ... but I felt good, I couldn't just ignore what was staring me in the face.  I can get more done in 15 minutes with no hubs & kids, than I can in 2 days with them around. Plus, a friend loaned me this handy dandy little knee scooter - so I tossed the crutches aside for the time & was racing through the house like an Indy 500 driver. Makin' it happen, man! Thrilled by my productivity & the lack of pain in my foot due to the scooter - I was flyin' high on happiness. This girl loves an organized house. Then it all came crashing down - all of me that was.  As I was trying to back the scooter out of this corner, Chyno ran right into me & my right knee slid off the scooter & I landed flat footed on the bum foot & then my tail & instictly grabbed 'ol bummy. Holy Guacamole! Wowzers.  After a few deep, cleansing breaths ... I scooted my way back to my room, put the scooter in the closet (where it still remains) & grabbed my faithful crutches & climbed back in bed.  I had the strangest sensations running through my foot & leg, but it surprisingly started to feel better much quicker than I was expecting.  I didn't even have to pop a pain med. Let's just say, I didn't do much more than chill for the rest of the solo time (which wasn't long, because my fellas arrived home shortly after the stumble & Mom arrived shortly after them). There were some other challenges that took place within those 9 days, but I just hit the high points. Gratefully we accepted all challenges, adjusted & moved on.  Now, let's see what this week has in store - so far, Doc told me "months & months before you walk", stay off the feet & my boys have colds.  Game, set, match! Let the challenge begin... 

(Shake # 7: Just because you feel well, doesn't always mean you are well ~ physically or mentally)

Shake their hand

I'm 3 days post surgery & I can officially say I want to shake the hand of any woman that has been put on extended bed rest; any woman that has a debilitating illness but carries on through the pain; any woman that has children while coping with pain; the list goes on.  I have already let stubbornness rule me & got up yesterday to dust my bedroom and livingroom & wash my bedding - I accidently bumped my foot & once the pain started to effect my vision, I quickly crawled back in bed, where I will stay. No boredom is worth that kind of pain.  I'm already having a difficult time trying to control the pain, stubbornness is only making that challenge more of a battle.  Luckily, I haven't had many distractions after the surgery ... our boys have been with my parents, because Mom knew it would be hard on them to see me in pain.  I am very grateful they were not here when my foot finally woke up - that was some very real pain.  It started off with sharp shooting pains radiating up my leg, then it started to feel like my foot was in a vice & someone was putting a lit match to it in multiple spots at one time.  I was not prepared for those sensations.  I often internalize my pain, but Saturday, I did not ... I was vocal, in a classic calm way - avoided all the ugly words that came to mind... but I was certainly not yelling, just not keeping the pain to myself.  I'd put the pain up against childbirth ... although, I never have experienced true childbirth because I went the route of epidural with both boys.  However, I can honestly say I've never felt discomfort quite like this - just call me a woosie!! I am not able to sleep well & I'm looking around my bedroom thinking about everything I wish I could get done, but can't.  These are the things that make me struggle - the inability to accept the fact I can't do diddly-squat right now.  I took a bath yesterday & got out of bed to eat supper that was cooked & brought over by my Mom-in-law (delish! Some good soul food!) - just with that little bit of moving sent my pain into overdrive.  Now granted, it could have also been an added stressor because I had been up earlier in the day (remember, stubborn me wanted to clean) ... but let me just say, ignoring the fact I'm in pain doesn't work with this injury.  It's very real & very loud about how real it is.  (Shake #6: When doc says stay off your feet, stay off of them - they really do know what their talking about) So I will face another true test today ... my boys are coming home!!!!  I am so ready to see them.  My currently quiet house will be full of excitement & fun, & probably a bit chaotic too.  My sweet husband has been very attentive & has surpassed every expectation I had as far as Nurse Hubby went, but now he'll have to juggle me & the boys.  Luckily, my Mom will be around for a while to help out ... but I'd be lying if I didn't say I was worried about how he'll cope with all of the "excitement". =) I just giggled a little bit thinking about it.  That's evil of me isn't it? He owns his own business, of course he can run this house ... but orchestrating a team of grown men & orchestrating a couple of wild boys & a stubborn wife while her mother is in town, are vastly different.  One thing about it, we'll either survive this & be much stronger or we'll tank this & wind up in the middle of WW III.  Only time will tell.  As for now, I'm going to put down this blog & try to get some shut eye (HA! I laugh) ... my Mom is on her way with my boys & I am so ready to see them, but this mama needs a snooze before the reality strikes.  Until next time, pray for my husband ... after this, I'll want to shake HIS hand.

Thoughts shake the sleep

It's way past my bedtime but yet, I'm still up.  My house is quiet, well... with the exception of my dog licking himself after his bath - thaaaat's nice. I just don't feel drowsy & my mind is working in overdrive.  I have the thoughts of what I wish I had gotten done at work, that I didn't; the thoughts of my boys having safe travels with my parents; thoughts of friends dealing with difficult situations; thoughts of family battling for life; thoughts of having surgery... thoughts, after thoughts, after thoughts. I am alone with my thoughts ... this is never good.  Before I know it, I'll be redecorating our house. But with every few thoughts, the surgery keeps coming back to mind - it's probably because it's tomorrow morning or possibly because my foot throbs/aches in pain every few moments? Whichever it is, it's definitely on my mind. I have been asked a few different times if I'm okay about the surgery or am I nervous about it... and I haven't been, at all.  However, now I'm starting to think about post surgery.  What is THAT going to feel like? I'm going to have hardware in my foot, something my body should naturally try to reject.  Then wear this stinking boot for another 12 weeks - am I going to have to depend on someone to cart me around these next 3 months?  Not nervous about the surgery, but now worried about the aftermath.  I hope my poor husband is ready for this roller coaster. =) I am typically a pretty good patient, but stubbornness can rear its ugly head. (Shake #5: Learning to "let go & let God" is a tough concept, but he has a way of making sure we grasp it) Okay, I'm getting the "you should probably go to sleep" from my sweet hubs & honestly, I think writing this has finally helped me feel drowsy, so I shall take it to bed. Hopefully I'll shake all the thoughts & give my mind a break, because I need some good Zzz's.  (BTW: The parents are home safely with our boys, one thought has now gone to bed).  Goodnight all.

Surgery at 11:15am, 3-1-13 ... ...