Yelling. What is yell? It's defined as "to utter a loud cry, scream, or shout". Apparently, I do this without knowing I'm doing it. Apparently, this is not something my family likes about me. Let's face it, I'm an emotionally charged person - if I'm passionate about something, I tend to express it; therefore, when I'm angry or irritated or otherwise unpleased with something, I will let you know in a form of yelling (apparently). I don't particularly care to be this way & I don't really like it (even though my husband seems to think I really like it, because he claims I'm the one that wants to "argue it out") ~ but the reality is, I am this way & I am going to try, really (really, really, really) hard to not be this way. I am going to order myself to cease & desist all yelling (in anger ... yelling in excitement is just going to have to be permitted, because every now & then, this chick has to let out a WOO HOO!). It's going to be very hard for me to suck it up & learn to express my dissatisfaction in a non-yelling format (or elevated tone, most of the time, because I really don't think I "yell" all that much). This morning, the 'ol hubs & I didn't see eye-to-eye with something & I instantly got a bit irritated with him. In such situations, it's always better to just let me simmer down before making me speak. However, the hubs is a "fixer" and therefore, has to pressure me to talk. Does. Not. Work. Out. Well. I try to tell him to just let me be, but he wants to "talk about it". Ugh, do I LOOK like I want to talk?! My facial expressions are pretty accurate to what I'm thinking & if I'm giving you hawty eyes & a growl, it's because in my head, I'm snapping your head off. Not a particularly good time for you to try to talk rational with me. Well, one thing lead to another & I may or may not have yelled at him a few times - the jury is still out on that one - I call it "talking loudly" especially when I'm upset & trying to get my point across (I talk even louder when I'm being over-talked or being interrupted). I've never been one to control my emotions well, luckily for most folks, I'm pretty laid back & don't usually get my feathers all ruffled; but for the 'ol hubs, he just has my number - that's all there is to it. There is no one on this planet that can make me get to the level of irritated quite like my husband. I love him dearly, but God bless him! I'm 0 - bitch mode in less than 2 seconds (seriously). Back to the tiff... while we're tossing around blame, we hear from the living room "STOP YELLING AT EACH OTHER!" ... ... & a little "ya ya ya YA YA!". Our 4 year old & 1 year old boys are referee'ing us ... from another ROOM! Hello forehead, says the hand! This is NOT what is suppose to be happening. My boys are not suppose to be witnessing this type of manic behavior ... and they certainly aren't suppose to be the ones calling us out. Once the "see they do hear us" & the "we have to stop this" comments were released from my husband, and he finally decided to leave me to myself ... and we went on about our morning & headed to work, I realized ... he's right (shhhhhh, don't tell him!) ... I do have to stop with this mess. I was raised in a household with yelling & it sucked, royally! I do not want my boys to experience the same. I hope we haven't screwed them up too much already ... but from hence forth, I'm going to cease & desist with the yelling in anger. It isn't necessary & it isn't fair to them (boys & husband included). I am going to have to get my emotions in check & figure out a way to release this pent up aggression in other ways. I'm considering kick-boxing, MMA fighting or maybe get medicated?! Either way, I vow from this day forward, to not yell. This should be interesting...
(Shake #11: Even when you think they [kids] can't hear you, they always hear you! They live what they learn, & they learn from us ... so let them learn to live happy.)
