Motherhood stalls...

This lack of mobility is kicking my rumpshaker ... mentally: I think I'm coming face to face with depression, I feel like everything is an uphill battle & physically: my left hip & ankle are giving me some aches due to the pressure of only using that leg.

Four days into the injury and I finally had a break down ~ poor lil A.P. didn't understand why in the world his Mommy was crying uncontrollably & honestly, I don't know that I knew either.  It could be the pain meds, it could be the lack of sleep (the 30 minute increments are not restful); it could be the fact I'm having to depend on everyone for everything, it could be that I can't pick up my boys when they want me to, it could be that I can't do a single motherhood activity right now ... or it could be all of the above combined.  All I know is that I was a basketcase & could not stop crying.  My sweet husband decided that it would be best if he took the boys & got out of the house for a little while so that I could try to get some rest Sunday.  Even though I am suppose to be immobile, I had tried to do more than I should have on Saturday.  The change up in the pain meds made me feel much better (little to no barfarama) - so I didn't lay around in the bed all day, I was actually up & moving around. My Mom-in-law came over Saturday morning to help out with the boys, so that my husband could go to work - while there she cleaned my bathrooms (awesome! so grateful!!) & then my Mom came over to relieve my Mom-in-law that afternoon & she did the majority of our laundry & cooked me lunch (sweet! again, super grateful!) ... even with both of them there, the minimal moving & grooving that I did put me in excruciating pain by later afternoon (as if my foot was coming detached from my leg) ... so we had to end up confirmed-no-shows for a gathering our entire family had been looking forward to... another reason why I could have possibly lost my cool Sunday morning.  So come Sunday, after my husband took my boys ... I was instructed to not move from the bed, to rest & rest some more - and I did.  I still slept in 30 minute increments, but it was just enough to feel normal again.  By 2pm or so, I was human enough to get myself ready for the afternoon ahead (Discovering the Dinosaurs - as promised to a very excited 4 year old - pimping the 1960 wheelchair, courtesy of G'ma Dot - uber grateful!).

I am trying very hard to keep in mind that luckily this is only temporary & that I need to just get my 'ish together & adjust & move on ... but I'm having the hardest time convincing myself that I'm cool with everything.  I know & pray for so many people with much bigger problems & they handle them much better than I am with my petty little problem.  What the heck is wrong with me?  I am stronger than this ... but for whatever reason, the strength must be residing with my sleep, because neither one of them are present. I am seriously struggling with this whole "depend on others" thing.  It is making me lose my mind ... up in here, up in here ... yes, I just busted out a lil DMX action on everyone. Seriously though, the smallest task now seems so big.  Just going to the restroom is a task all in itself ... hoping over to get the crutches, then pinching the crud out of my armpits with the crutches, then balancing on one foot to sit, etc. ... I know "this too will pass" but right now, it is very real & very challenging.  I will man up & I will be okay ... because that's how I am ... but right now, I'm not okay & I'm not manning-up.  I'm pouting & I'm losing my battle ... I don't like stalling out in motherhood.  As many times as I've said "I just wish for one day my husband would know what I do" ... I'd take them back instantly.  I miss what it is that I do! Color me grateful & lesson learned - God, you made your point.  Thank you for humbling me.

(Shake #4: God will answer your wishes - in whatever way he deems appropriate. I’m stubborn, so drastic measures were necessary. Think twice before wishing)

Shake, Shake, Shake

So, it's been a challenging time in my world lately.  Wednesday night, around 5:15'ish, I took a fall onto a brick patio, from 2 cement stairs high - in 3 inch heels, nonetheless.  I was trying to unlock a door while holding a 1 year old on my right hip & an anxious-to-get-inside 4 year old on my left leg... when I pulled the door open, my 4 year old lost his balance & tried to use me to gain balance - resulting in a tumble that shook my soul.  All I could do, while falling, was let out these weird "ooh", "ahhh", "oh!" noises in fear that one of my babies were going to get hurt.  Miraculously, neither boy was harmed.  I, on the other hand, was in some serious discomfort... my right foot felt broken & my big toe was perpendicular to my foot - sticking straight up in the air.  I did what any other person would do, pushed that bad boy back in it's correct position.  My 4 year old is saying, in a calm but concerned tone, "get up Mom, get up"... my 1 year old is whaling because he too wants me to stand up (you can't hold him sitting down).  I muster up the courage & strength & get up.  Not once did I let go of that baby - I still don't know how I did it... but I fell, took care of everyone & got my injured tail up, all while holding my mini-linebacker. Just call me Ninja Mom. Luckily, a coworker was still in the office, so she & my 4 year old went into doctor mode until my husband could get to us & get me to a doc.  He gets there & carries the boys & I to my car.  Have you ever used your left foot to accelerate a vehicle?  I did that night ... not as awkward as I was expecting - just a few whiplash moments for my 4 year old, but nothing too extreme.  (Hey, I was using my left foot... lack of tap control happens)  I drove because we didn't need to leave either ride at the place where I fell - so I manned up & got my boys safely to my in-laws, while he drove to get food for the boys.  We leave his truck at his folks, along with our hungry & excited babies (they love the idea of spending the night with grandparents), & head to Rex Express Care in Wakefield.  

We didn't wait even 30 minutes & we were back in a room getting the care I needed. Turns out I'm rocking a Linsfranc sprain/fracture.  What?  You don't know what that is?  ;). Me either... it's a mid foot injury to the ligaments & bones (named after the French doc to first discover it).  They splint me, med me, crutch me & make me feel like Super Mom for being so "together & calm" - but really, I was in pain people ... extreme pain. They tell me to follow up with an Ortho Specialist & remind me to keep off of it & elevate above my heart.  Done.

(Shake #3: It's easy to stay off your feet when kids aren't around)  

I didn't sleep well, but that was to be expected. Go to work Thursday, answer all the "what happened?" questions & did not take my morning pain med dose, I thought just ibuprofen would do the trick - NOT A GOOD IDEA!  I eventually gave in and took the mid day dose of pain med.  Total barfaroma ... I felt horrible.  I don't know what's worse, the throbbing/stabbing pain or the queasy/hot flash/nausea/want to pass out feeling.  Luckily my husband was on the way to take me to the specialist - I attempted to sleep off the shaky/pain med related illness while taking the 45 minute drive.  It kinda/sorta helped, I didn't spew - so I call that successful.  We get to Ortho Specialist of North Carolina in Wakefield (barely wait, again - awesome!) & we get back & the doc says "well, you've done a number to that foot" - that can't be good.

So it looks like we're having surgery folks. Broke the first two metatarsal bones in the mid foot, chipped the middle metatarsal bone & the ligament responsible for flexing the foot for stable walking is no longer attached due to the first metatarsal bone being broke.  He said you see this type of injury in football players, apparently where they get their foot planted & then stepped on. I didn't get stepped on, but I certainly did plant my heel & roll my foot. So we're looking at some screws & a bone anchor. My husband asked if we could get a discount if we brought our own materials, though they found it funny ... they said no. Dang! They put me in a boot, instead of the splint, because the boot is sturdier & easier to put on & take off and it is better for my foot positioning.  It hurts significantly worse since having the boot, but luckily I can loosen the straps & give the foot a breather or take it off completely (but only if I'm disciplined enough to keep it still).  Surgery is set for Friday, March 1st ... with at least a couple of weeks of bed rest to recover from the surgery & then 3 more months of the boot.  I think I'm going to go crazy ... well, crazier ... I'm already pretty batty.  But hey, on the upside ... I will have more time for blogging.  BO YA!

So the fall shook my soul, shook up my boys, shook my bones & currently shaking my emotions ... and the surgery is going to make us shake the piggy bank ... and guess what, the fall is all on video!  Thanks Granville County Courthouse. =)

Shake me up!

I consider myself very lucky to be able to work full-time and be able to take & pick up my 4 year old every Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday from preschool.  It’s the highlight of those days.  He is always so full of comments & he’s incredibly insightful to be 4 years old.  I’ve recently told him that water puddles have cootie bugs ~ so when he sees a water puddle, he automatically wants to know if there are cootie bugs living in there – so I have to get real close to the water puddle & pretend to peer in & every time I say “Yep!  They're in there.”  He’s soon going to catch on to me, but for right now, its keeping shoes & socks dry… (Shake #2:  Fun tales are glorified lies)  Today, after passing a cootie bug home, he gets in the car & decides to ask me who made cootie bugs.  I told him I wasn’t really sure and he asked if God made them.  To avoid further lies, I told him God makes everything.  He proceeds to tell me "That's pretty cool".  Then we drive pass a cemetery in town & he says “Do people drive through there?”  I told him no, that people are buried there & you don’t really want to drive over their graves.  He then asked if their bodies are still there … and I told him that it’s an old cemetery, so their bodies have probably turned to dirt.  Then I told him that their spirits are in Heaven.  He didn’t understand, and I didn’t really go into detail – but he said “Who fixes their bodies when they’re in Heaven?” … I told him “Jesus”. (It's the first answer to come to mind) Then he says “Who made us?” ~ I told him “God made us”.  He then asks one of the questions of all questions … “Does God have hands & feet, arms & legs, a belly & eyes & a mouth?” … …  I pause because I’m not sure how to answer this.  Awkward.  Isn’t God a spirit?  He’s never been seen … he’s our Heavenly Father & our creator … but he doesn’t have a description, does he?  He then says “well, does he?” … so I swallow the wad of saliva that is collecting in my throat, took a deep breath & said “I don’t know, son, I’ve never met him”...  (PHEW! I can't be lying about God, that's an answer that deserves to be discussed truthfully) ... “The only thing I know is that we’re made in his image … so if that’s the case, I assume he probably has the same things we have.” … after consideration, this conversation could have gone in a very different direction – as in Boys vs. Girls … but luckily my answer completely satisfied his curiosity.  

Note:  My 4 year old has the power to shake me up!  A child after my own heart, well, and Jim Morrison’s “I like to shake people up and make them feel uncomfortable”.

Shaken, not stirred.

Hello Blogger World.  This is a new adventure for me, but an adventure that I’m sure is bound to be entertaining.  Because of my constant desire to put my thoughts out there for all to enjoy (or ridicule), friends of mine are often commenting on how I need to start a blog, so here I am, starting a blog. 

First, I feel I need to tell you about myself … Born in 1980; I am a middle daughter, or what I’d like to consider the milk cream to the oreo of sisterhood (you know, the good stuff) … I have an older, wiser sister to help sculpt me & a younger, funnier sister to help keep me laughing.  I am a wife to a man I consider my best friend, we met in college – well, he was still in college, I had moved on to what I thought were greener pastures … (Shake #1: Always consider that the grass may be painted, not grown that green)  I am a goofy, crazy, fun (& sometimes, anxious) mother to 2 awesome boys (a 4 year old little man & a 1 year old mini-linebacker) - they keep me on my toes during all waking moments.  I am employed full-time, and I’d rather not be, but it’s benefits & a paycheck which is necessary & I’m grateful.  I never have found my niche in life … but I guess that’s what makes me, me.  I am interested in all types of things, but have yet to figure out which one is suppose to be the “thing” for me.  Is it psychology?  Is it massage therapy? Is it doula?  Is it art teacher?  Is it interior design? Is it full-time Mom?  No, no it isn’t full-time mom … strike that one.  It could be something that has yet to be unturned … but it’s not medical or legal, those I have ruled out in my 11 years as a state employee.  Maybe I’m supposed to help my husband run his construction business?  After all, for the past 11 years of my life, I’ve been responsible for helping others do what they’re suppose to be doing, by doing what I’m suppose to be doing … so I suppose I could do that for APC Construction, LLC? Better yet, maybe I’m the next big blogger?!  Who knows… God has a plan, but I have yet to see the blue-prints. 

I do know one thing; life is such a short lived event.  There have been many events in my life, that have completely shaken up what I thought was normal.  Granted, I think things in life are suppose to be unscripted for us – but it isn’t necessarily supposed to be completely unexpected either. However, when the unexpected does happen, we have to adjust & move on (a motto that is used very often in our house) - so I’ve figured out that it’s all about shaking things up.  I’m not normal.  Possibly should be medicated, but I'm not ... at least not yet.

For example, our morning routine in our house is full of chaos.  So, just this week, I've decided to shake things up.  I'm waking up at the butt crack of dawn ... because that's the only way I can see this working.  I wake up, try to get as much of myself ready as I can before Thing 1 & Thing 2 wake up (because we all know when small children are awake, a Mom’s morning just stalls out).  I have been getting nearly completely ready before I hear the cry that carries throughout our entire house - that's my youngest (he has the cry of an African Lion - it truly does roar, at least in my ear drums it does).  It’s amazing how much smoother the morning’s go when I’m already ready before my boys wake up (including their dad).  I’ve even had time to cook them breakfast, not just pour cereal or give them fruit.  The mornings are not nearly as chaotic. SCORE! 

 

So, until next time … when things get shaken, don’t stir … just adjust and move on.